i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My bed smells like the plague
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
