the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
