i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
