I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
