Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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