They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
organizing the empties. That sober.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
