I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
