so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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