Kiss
Puke
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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