Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
