You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
