Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm too high and old for this...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
