Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
