i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
