angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
