is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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