I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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