when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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