Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
