he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
