Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
