Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Drake has all the answers
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
