he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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