We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
