At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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