I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
