im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize