I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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