Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
