My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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