Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
