is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
