well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
