I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
