Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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