I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
