please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
