So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
4 words: hood of his car
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
