so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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