Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
