I need help removing her.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
