I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
