yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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