he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
