my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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