So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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