Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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