Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize