she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
