Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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