I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
