I want to walk on stilts...naked
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Boobs are out for the taking
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize