I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i wish my penis had a tongue
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize