I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize