No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
