:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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