he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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