My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
