Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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