I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He has the fingertips of a God
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