im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
