I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
