God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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