omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
