giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize