I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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