I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
