this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
