No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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