I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
