with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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