Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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