its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
