Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize