i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
