I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
