My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
