even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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