Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
