too bad you live with your parents still
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
