but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
