I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
