i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize