You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
