she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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