So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
