We named our party play list daddy issues
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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