um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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