My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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