I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I wish there were birth control emojis
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize