I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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