So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
